I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize