Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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