Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
