Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
