you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize