but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Small penises have feelings too.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
