I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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