if you like me you must not know who I am
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
