someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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