Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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