New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize