I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
