im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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