I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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