he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize