why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think your dad took our porno
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
