69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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