So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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