who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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