I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
