we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize