The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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