I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
