I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
