I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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