I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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