my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
