So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
