Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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