I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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