U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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