There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
