just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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