I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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