Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Shame is for Republicans.
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