Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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