Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
