Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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