Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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