Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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