I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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