Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize