did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
