Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
