I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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