I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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