so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
