Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
