went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
