Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize