I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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