my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
