The maid of honor just puked.
I wish I only lived at night.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
