also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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