You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
