Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Couch. On fire.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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