So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Terrible idea I love it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
