video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
