I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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