your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
