she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
