So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
