dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
