that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
