One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
