Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
