her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
