why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
