shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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